http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0025KUIFU
Tonight is the night that I talk about the nonsense that is Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight saga". If you are the type of person that considers yourself a "Twihard", I highly suggest that you back away slowly from this post before you experience some serious hurt.
There is so much that I could say about the series, itself, much of it negative, but I would have to create multiple posts to really detail the grievances I have with those books. So, to save myself the time and time spent slaving over my laptop, I encourage, no, demand (in the nicest way possible. There's only so much power I have over you guys) you all to check out these brilliantly accurate summaries of the entire series. They are written by a former Mormon woman who, while making fun of the books, does so in a way that captures how ridiculous they truly are.
Anyways, the above Amazon link. If you've clicked on it, then you would see that it leads to a lovely little page summary about a book being offered up for sale on Amazon. Not only does it seem that Amazon sells just about anything these days, but that Ph.D's are being given out to people like they're candy. Couples' counselor, Jim Lee, decided to hop on board the marketing giant that isthe Twilight saga and profit off of it by appealing to the series's rabid teenage fangirls and Twimoms by writing a book aptly titled, Everything I Needed to Know about Women I Learned by Reading Twilight: A Vampire's Guide to Eternal Love. Fictional though it may be, the fact that the Twilight series is even considered appropriate reference material to be used when analyzing relationships gives me some pause.
Why, you ask? (I'm looking at you, Twihards.) Very simple, dear reader. The main relationships portrayed in the series between Bella and either Edward or Jacob are neither healthy, nor the relationships that any couple should model their own after.
Let's start with Bella and Edward's "true love" (omg you guise. They're totes meant to be togetha 4 eva!): while Bella, herself, isn't the strongest of female characters ever written, she's not the worst I've ever encountered. She's intelligent to an extent (and I give her that begrudgingly), but when it comes to forming healthy relationships in both their platonic and romantic forms, she's rather stunted. As for darling Edward, the boy's a 107 year old virgin vampire. That's an anomaly, if I've ever heard of one. But in addition to that glaring detail about him, many of his tendencies regarding Bella frankly freak the ever-loving hell out of me. Get the two of them together and it's something that I cannot believe made the amount of money that it did. Prior to their dating, Edward would sneak into Bella's room and watch her sleep (I'm sorry, but that is not and never will be romantic. It's creepy and most people would call that stalking. To quote Edward, "You can google it."); during the 2nd book,New Moon , Edward goes off to Italy to kill himself by sparkling in the sunlight because omg Bella almost died because of him and that's the only way that he can make up for that. So what does Bella do in the meanwhile? Well first, there's the spiraling depression she sinks into where she isolates herself from her family and what little "friends" she has (luckily, these kids see the light, say, "Deuces, bitch", and peace out of her life) for three months. The book? Oh, yeah; that's right. It goes blank for THIRTEEN FUCKING PAGES. But somehow, Bella gets out of that depression thanks to her Quilute Indian friend/werewolf, Jacob Black.
Jacob's always had some feelings for Bella, but with Edward out of the way, he feels it's time to mack on his friend. Very quickly, though, Bella realizes that whenever she gets in danger that she can hear Edward's voice in her head. Not wanting to lose that, Bella decides to do the most logical thing possible: throw herself off of a cliff! Then she'll have Edward's voice in her head forever. Genius plan, right? Attempt suicide because your boyfriend is trying to protect you? Dammit! Why didn't I think of that? Such an amazing lesson. :')
Eventually, Bella and Edward get back together, get married, and spawn a child with the worst possible name ever, Renesmee. And here comes my favorite part: Jacob realizes that the reason why he liked Bella so much was because he's in love with Bella and Edward's newborn baby girl, Renesmee (read: this is just a huge excuse to allow pedophilia in the series).
Due to these relationships, I can never, rationally, see how anyone can base their own relationship off of the one's found in Twilight.
I hope you all learned something today.
Tonight is the night that I talk about the nonsense that is Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight saga". If you are the type of person that considers yourself a "Twihard", I highly suggest that you back away slowly from this post before you experience some serious hurt.
There is so much that I could say about the series, itself, much of it negative, but I would have to create multiple posts to really detail the grievances I have with those books. So, to save myself the time and time spent slaving over my laptop, I encourage, no, demand (in the nicest way possible. There's only so much power I have over you guys) you all to check out these brilliantly accurate summaries of the entire series. They are written by a former Mormon woman who, while making fun of the books, does so in a way that captures how ridiculous they truly are.
Anyways, the above Amazon link. If you've clicked on it, then you would see that it leads to a lovely little page summary about a book being offered up for sale on Amazon. Not only does it seem that Amazon sells just about anything these days, but that Ph.D's are being given out to people like they're candy. Couples' counselor, Jim Lee, decided to hop on board the marketing giant that is
Why, you ask? (I'm looking at you, Twihards.) Very simple, dear reader. The main relationships portrayed in the series between Bella and either Edward or Jacob are neither healthy, nor the relationships that any couple should model their own after.
Let's start with Bella and Edward's "true love" (omg you guise. They're totes meant to be togetha 4 eva!): while Bella, herself, isn't the strongest of female characters ever written, she's not the worst I've ever encountered. She's intelligent to an extent (and I give her that begrudgingly), but when it comes to forming healthy relationships in both their platonic and romantic forms, she's rather stunted. As for darling Edward, the boy's a 107 year old virgin vampire. That's an anomaly, if I've ever heard of one. But in addition to that glaring detail about him, many of his tendencies regarding Bella frankly freak the ever-loving hell out of me. Get the two of them together and it's something that I cannot believe made the amount of money that it did. Prior to their dating, Edward would sneak into Bella's room and watch her sleep (I'm sorry, but that is not and never will be romantic. It's creepy and most people would call that stalking. To quote Edward, "You can google it."); during the 2nd book,
Jacob's always had some feelings for Bella, but with Edward out of the way, he feels it's time to mack on his friend. Very quickly, though, Bella realizes that whenever she gets in danger that she can hear Edward's voice in her head. Not wanting to lose that, Bella decides to do the most logical thing possible: throw herself off of a cliff! Then she'll have Edward's voice in her head forever. Genius plan, right? Attempt suicide because your boyfriend is trying to protect you? Dammit! Why didn't I think of that? Such an amazing lesson. :')
Eventually, Bella and Edward get back together, get married, and spawn a child with the worst possible name ever, Renesmee. And here comes my favorite part: Jacob realizes that the reason why he liked Bella so much was because he's in love with Bella and Edward's newborn baby girl, Renesmee (read: this is just a huge excuse to allow pedophilia in the series).
Due to these relationships, I can never, rationally, see how anyone can base their own relationship off of the one's found in Twilight.
I hope you all learned something today.
No comments:
Post a Comment